collection of thoughts...

lately... i've been a bit disturbed by certain things that i feel that i wanna know but i dont really wanna know. U know... its like that kinda thing that u feel that u wanna know... but when u know what it is... you'd wished that u nvr knew anything bout it... haih.... its really hard to write down what i wanna say... i am afraid what i might say here will be used against me... or worse, losing my friends. Even though i am very sleepy rite now. but due to certain chain of events, i dont feel like sleeping until i do something bout my thoughts... i have this urge to purge all these stuff in me... i wanna be the carefree asshole i was when i was younger... i dont wanna care bout people judging my actions. i've always have this weird feeling that i wont live long... i've always wished i would die either a long and succesful/miserable life... or a short and happy/ miserable life... which means not much of a difference isn't it? haih... this sucks.... i wish i was younger... i wish i could have taken the other path...and never ever have to do all that i've done... i wished i could take back all the stupids things i did... wait i mean... i wished i could take back all those that's given me all the troubles that i dont want... and be happy and carefree like those days....